name

my name is sarah b. burghauser.  i like using my middle initial because it references my namesake, Bunya, my maternal great grandmother.  she was a tough lady.  that’s what the women in my family say.  my middle name is not Bunya, though.  it’s Beth in english and Batya in hebrew.  my parents didn’t want to name me bunya because they thought i would be made fun of.  but my last name is burghauser, so that went out the window pretty fast.  burgerhauser.  butthauser.  boogerhauser.

anyway, bunya was her polish name, but no one knew her hebrew name.  so the rabbi said i should get a name that began with a “b” and that would be just as good because the name would be given in bunya’s memory.  Batya means “daughter of god.”

many years later we discovered that bunya’s hebrew name was Bina, which means “knowledge,” “wisdom,” “understanding,” “wit,” “intelligence,” or “perception”.

i would prefer bunya.

i never liked my name much.  sarah beth.  so boring.

in high school there was a very popular girl named sarah.  whenever i heard someone say my name i turned around only to realize that it was the other Sarah being called.  so there was a while when i stopped answering to my own name.

since then i have known some very special sarah’s.  and they have helped me love being sarah.  people seem to have some inexplicable affection for sarah’s.  i don’t really know why.  is it possible for a name to be inherently endowed with good vibes?

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About thedoubleequal

TheDoubleEqual is interested in Anais Nin, Smut and subtext, Queer literature, Intersections of oppression, Jewish communities, Memoir, Poetry, All art, Subways, and Violent spiritual awakenings. View all posts by thedoubleequal

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